First dick in a long time

I decided I've gotta stop dicking around (no pun intended) and get running again. So I warmed the cockles (no pun intended) on a cold Canberra winter's evening with this drawing. It has two testicles (no pun). Link to run here.

Anatomy of a cat run

If you’ve visited this blog before, you’ll know that I like to run words and pictures. But did you know I can also now fake-run words and pictures?

Look at the run below. What do you think? Is it real or fake?

Shock, horror, IT’S FAKEEEEE!!!!

But wait! Before you leave in disgust - I’m not saying I didn’t actually run it. I did. It’s just that useless bloody Strava decided to ‘summarise’ my run for me into a pile of nonsense, so I was FORCED to fake this. It was like I’d written a paragraph of Charles Dickens worthy prose, handed it to Strava to publish, but instead of publishing, Strava put it through three layers of Google translate, and shat it on to my feet with a confused grin. 

Let me take you back to the beginning... T’was a Sunday evening, and I decided to plan a run by creating a kmz with Google Earth (as I always do - see the how to). The run would be a combination of ‘connect the dots’ and continuous recording.

In the kmz, I made notes of where to start recording, where to stop, and where to pause to create the connecting ‘dots’. Then, as always, emailed it to myself, and opened it in the Google Earth iPhone application.  On the public holiday Monday (no, I don't run words and pictures full-time), I was ready to go, so I headed to the start, and hit record. Switching between Strava and Google Earth, I followed the path and recorded the run.

When I was near the end, I checked the map in the Strava app, and the run looked good. It was clearly a male cat; gray, striped, 1 year old, neutered by a friend who’s a vet, seated, dorsal view. So I hit finish, saved it, gave my work of art a name and it was magically sent invisibly through the air to a big computer probably somewhere in Sweden.  It wasn’t until I had got home that I discovered it hadn’t worked:

Needless to say, this was thoroughly disappointing. I mean, faarrrk… What even is that? It’s looks like an unfinished lateral view of a shark’s torso, but not much else. Looking back now, maybe I should have just renamed it “lateral view of a shark’s torso (unfinished)” and been done with it.

But no. I couldn’t. Look, I hadn’t done a picture run in a long time, and I was happy with what I’d achieved in drawing my cat. I’d also invested about 2 hours of my life in it. 40 mins planning, and about 80 mins running. Two hours of my life, stolen by a Swedish computer.

I wrote to Strava to ask if they could revert to the original data that I had uploaded. I wonder if Leonardo Da Vinci when painting the Sistine Chapel came up against such obstacles. “Hey Leo! That angel. That one there. Look, I know you’re the genius and all, but that angel isn’t important, SO WE’RE JUST GOING TO FUCKING RUB THAT OUT, OK?”. Strava still haven’t responded.

I thought to myself, “Fuck you Strava. I ran this. It deserves to be up there for my fans to see, so God-fucking-damn-it, I’ll figure out how to upload it somehow… if  it’s the last thing I ever do”. I faked this for you, fans.

Using a free program called GPSBabel, I converted the original planning kmz (the one I plotted in Google Earth) to kml, and then into gpx format. I then had to add in some time data to longitudes and latitudes using a text editor. The horrifying end result was I could upload a fake run (a run which I actually did, but which then had the magic sliced out of it surgically with a blunt Strava hammer).

So that’s it. You can post fraudulent runs to Strava.

I think that the broader implications for Strava are a little bit shit.  If you’re someone who likes competing against others over ‘segments’, there’s the potential that someone could run or ride the segment, export a gpx, alter the time data and re-upload, cheating you out of your KOM or CR. 

Or what if you wanted to commit a crime and needed an alibi? You could fake a run of a cat using Strava to show you were somewhere else for the weekend during which a person you knew was coincidentally murdered.

There are endless uses for faking runs. The two above are mere drops in the ocean! I could probably even think of two more.

I guess the conclusion we need to come to is that you’d have to be a total asshole to fake a run unless you’re Leonardo Da Vinci.

Monkehhh...

The female form

I did this over two days, mainly on foot, but there are some bicycle connections.

As usual, the run isn't displaying correctly on the Strava website, so here's a screenshot from my phone:

The right shoulder looks a little strange because when I planned the run I didn't realise that part is near the Governor General's house, and I couldn't get to the right spot because of security. But I'm pretty happy with it otherwise.

The link to Strava is here.

Froggy 4km

Horrific little chode

I've been a bit lazy with the runs lately. This is my first this year and it was pretty tough after such a long break. But a good result I think. I hope to do plenty more. Stay tuned. Click on the pic below to see it in better detail.

Cock and balls challenge - new entry

This epic penis comes courtesy of Heather G.

Great work.

A run through the suburbs

See what I did there?

I like some of the more organic shapes of the trees in the actual path below - especially that one on the left. The large tree also looks kinda bonsai.

Links to Strava here and here.

Stormtrooper helmet

I did another picture run this evening. This time, it's a Stormtrooper helmet. It was an approximately 13km run, based on this guy's artwork.

It was simple in comparison with the face I ran last week. The face had roughly 250 points to connect, and this helmet has just over 100.  There were longer distances between the points this time so I could get some sort of pace up, but it was still stop-and-start.  The result is good, but clearly not as good as the face.

Here's the actual path I ran:

Strava links below:

 

Face with glasses

I drew this face over a week on three separate days. I did it by pausing Strava between points - this draws a straight line, and means you aren't restricted to the shape of the streets. Each of the three runs was approximately 7kms. It was very slow in sections, mostly because the detail around the eyes and ears meant I had to greatly reduce my pace to get it right. It was also very stop-start. I'd run to the next point, stop to pause and restart Strava, and then often head back in the direction I came from.

Here's the same run, but showing the actual path I took:

I've uploaded screenshots from my iPhone because as you can see below, the face does not display properly on the Strava website.



If you click on image below it you can run your mouse over the elevation profile and watch a cursor trace the path I took. There was a lot of back-tracking! But I'm pretty happy with the result.

Poo

Dick

My first attempt at this one was foiled by a six foot high fence on the south side of the canal that I didn't see in street view on Google Earth. So the k doesn't look as good as it could. The back of the k could also be improved:



Here's the same run again, improved, both in appearance and pace.

Download the kmz here (You can open this file with Google Earth for iPhone, or Google Earth for PC).

His is longer than mine.

We have our first competitor in the cock and balls challenge. Eric W from Brisbane is strongly out of the blocks with this 7.3km penis. Very well done.

6.8 km of wet arse

Wasn't too happy with how this one turned out... It's suppose to say 'arse'. The run is nice though - some good hills.

Cock and Balls Challenge 2

Ran out of batteries

SO close.... I'll try this again soon.

Bush bashing a bird

This one took quite a bit of backtracking over ground I'd already covered. It was a little awkward walking past the bush regenerators a number of times... It's a bird sitting on a branch - you make have to tilt your head to the right to see it.

Self portrait in profile

This was my second attempt at creating an image (the first was a cock and balls, of course).  It's a nazca-esque face.  I walked this one.  Hoping to run it soon.

Fart

I planned this one out a few days before I rode it. When I got to Southwell park on the right there was an archery competition going on. I couldn't complete the T without being shot by an arrow, which was a little disappointing. But I think it still works.  I also had to pause Strava in order to complete the hole of the 'a' - it allowed me to bridge a gap for which there was no path.

The cock and balls challenge